Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Non-Jews are for practice
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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