Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
