The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
