new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
