idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
