I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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