Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
