a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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