i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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