About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
