You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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