Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
