Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
