I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize