i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
