he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
