I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
