my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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