The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
