I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize