i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
