my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
