this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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