Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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