ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
