just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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