Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize