Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
