the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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