That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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