I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
