Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
FUCK WHALES
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
