ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
