i don't like sucking hair
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
