She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
