They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
