Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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