i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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