Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
