I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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