so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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