I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
