just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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