did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
