wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
