Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
