Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
