Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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