we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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