how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
