im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize