What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
