Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
