I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
