I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
