That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
