Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
