Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
