im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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