its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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