i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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