six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
