Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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