Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
