just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
