really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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