I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We are all done wearing pants today
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
