Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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