Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
