I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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