Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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