Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
