I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
