3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
