guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
