I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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