i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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