i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
