This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
