no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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