A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
